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  The past month...no, the past few months really, have been pretty pivotal for me in terms of thinking about where I want to be long-term.  Over the course of such, I've had to deal with major renovations at old living quarters, disputes with the landlord, annoying next-door neighbors throwing night-round parties proving awkward for throwing away trash and furniture, unrealistic moving schedules, eye-opening realities of groups regarding perceptions of various problems in the world, family turmoil and trust issues, exploration and confrontation of sexuality, short-term health scares and pop-ups, tug-and-war of artistic sensibilities, financial emergencies, self-esteem issues and an overall tempered outlook on life as priorities take massive shifts.  Perhaps I should have heeded horoscopes more often.

  The point of this journal is just a communications platform given I'm not posting on Facebook at present or...anywhere else, really.  But things are starting to look more optimistic for me and my family, and I'm ready to start sharing.  That being said, I had to re-evaluate a lot of things including perhaps placing too much stock into online relationships (plutonic ones; I can't stand the thought of dealing with the hassles of online dating.  Besides, I'm not in the mood to date anyway) and alter a lot of my values and morales, and become more honest with my true desires and pleasures.  Essentially, I need to be more of myself as I truly am, and not conforming to ideals or labels others feel some ill-constructed reason to project upon me.

  Art has not worked out the way I thought it would.  One of the biggest reasons I kept at it was in the hope of finding relevant work where I stayed.  Relocation out to, say, the West Coast or Florida, is out of the question.  The money just isn't there, nor are the support systems (no family down that way, don't know many friends around those areas as well).  Same regarding a move up to New York.  Because of that I figured I could try online illustration work but my turnaround for completion was either too slow or by the time things were done I didn't feel the piece was good enough.  Over time it just felt more like I was fighting to finish the work, never a good sign.  Perhaps it was a case of subject matter, or maybe a case of materials, and feeling torn between traditional and digital, but at this point I think I'm confident in saying art, at least to the scale I had placed it before, is not going to be my major thing going forward.  When the money is there, I'd love to buy some oils, professional watercolors and canvases, and embark on architectural and environmental studies, paintings creating a sense of mood.  I think of the background illustrations from anime like Serial Experiments Lain, or Boogiepop Phantom, and then marrying that with all these rabid exotic creature and character ideas in my head, a good bulk of which I'll continue to do and upload in my spare time now since the relocation of furniture to the new spot is almost complete.  That said,...yeah....for the moment I'm not so sure art is my main muse anymore.

   Actually, I feel as though music has began to take its place.  For a while now the two have always been kind of close to each other, but I figured I'd always keep music as a hobby and art as something I could pursue professionally.  I started getting seriously inspired into music production, particular electronic music production, after watching a few documentaries of artist like LTJ Bukem and Goldie back a couple of years ago.  Yeah I had dabbled with it before then, but this was when it got serious.  I began looking for the right software (on a budget), hardware (also on a budget), and getting the information I could, but needless to say the first round of stuff was terrible.  TERRIBLE. 

   Yet I've kept at it, and now I feel I've gotten to a point where my music production techniques, in just little over two years, have surpassed my technical art skills.  Or perhaps I should say, my music production skills have managed to coalesce in a fashion regards matching my original visions that my art skills simply have not.  That would change with the right gear, but it is what it is.  Just over the past week or so, in the span of only a week, I got pre-masters and rough compositions done for three tracks.  Three.  And these aren't just simple beep-boop NES tunes (no knock on that, of course); I'm talking inspirations like Ed Rush and Optical, Decoder, Teebee, Goldie, Marcus Intalex, Photek, Bad Company, Dom and Roland....if you don't know who they are or what they do, go Youtube that shit, and see the mastery in the range of complete sonic frequency space they exhibit in everything they touch.  THAT is my music inspiration (in large part, yeah), and THAT is what I aim to produce.  And in one week I had three tracks I'd personally say roughly in that ballpark; lacking a good deal of the mastering and composition polish of course, but everything else is there.  The EQs are right, the filtering is right.  The presence is there.  If I can work around some of my program's quirks I'll try mixing down rough cuts of what I've got for those who don't believe me (though in all honesty I'm not making anything to try to "prove" something to others so much as challenge and exceed my own limits).  The fact remains; it's been YEARS since I had that same level of productivity with my art, and I think I understand the reason why.

   So at least in terms of creative endeavors, that is my agenda for now and the foreseeable future.  I'm putting my music first and art/stories a nice bit behind that, rather than the other way around, but when financial issues no longer prevent me from getting the gear I'd like/need to get (and tbf, a nice collection of paints, canvases and boards can run up to a few hundred dollars, audio equipment even more, especially given I want to do analog hardware for music production.  Nothing beats analog hardware.  Fucking *nothing*), they can both come into a sort of balance.  No matter what the two will continue to fuel and inspire each other, that'll never change.

   Had to get that off my chest; I don't know exactly when I'll upload again.  All creative endeavors right now are sort of getting reduced time as I shift priorities to more "normal" routes of employment and financial stability, but I'm pretty good at multitasking and, more importantly, aren't feeling as absolutely shit and depressed as I have been since the start of the mess.  Next journal, I want to talk about my sexuality.  It isn't typical, and I'll probably lose some people as a result, but I'm going to take full ownership and pride of who I am as one's sexuality is not something they should be ashamed of or fear be the source of attack from others.  It's a new day and I'm ready to discern how and why my sexuality is the way it is, and do so proudly.
  • Listening to: UK Garage, DnB, jazz and funk
  • Reading: Immortel, The Invisibles
  • Watching: Kino's Journey, Ergo Proxy, films
  • Playing: Game Dev Tycoon demo
  • Eating: food (within limits)
  • Drinking: water, juice, but mostly water
-Just finished watching the season finale.  'Twas good, but I got to thinking, "hmm...what if they decided to play it another way?"  I enjoyed it but it did feel somewhat different than most of the other eps this season, especially compared to 'Pimento' which was probably the best of the bunch.  Not every ep has to be on that level but I DID think Jimmy was going to accept that offer.

  So with that said, I wrote this up; a "what if" making some changes to the season finale and how I would personally write Season 2 if I ever had the honor of writing for the show.  Which will never happen hehe, so I had some fun and some minutes to spare to type this up.

  Bear with me here; it's an extremely early first draft and could stand for some rewrites in clarity and better terminology here and there.  Some thoughts are also jumbled and that's a reflection of how spur-of-the-moment I wrote it out.  The ideas are there but some time can be had to iron them out and break up some paragraphs.  This is also a VERY LONG READ and SPOILER HEAVY for those who for some mystifying reason haven't seen Breaking Bad.

==================================================================================================

   My Ideal BCS Season Finale

  -Cut out the stuff with Marco (MOTL)
  -Don't have Jimmy leave for Chicago
  -Introduce a link to the Sante Fe law firm (a female) Jimmy casually meets early in on the episode, to tie into the firm's mention of wanting him there later on via the phone call from Kim
  -Keep the scene with Howard
  -Keep the bingo scene
  -Show more of Jimmy interacting with Kim, working out some of the stress from the betrayal with her while casually working references to the new lady from the Sante Fe law firm into that dynamic (via Jimmy), and a slight gradual shift in Jimmy turning more to the new person to convey these thoughts in one pivotal moment/scene
  -Have Jimmy ACCEPT the Sante Fe offer (MOTL)

>>Season 2 Ideas

  -Should start with Jimmy now at Sante Fe, that firm and HHM working together to close/finish the Sandpiper lawsuit.  Since all of the important character dynamics (Jimmy, Chuck, Howard, Kim, new SF law firm lady as potential love interest to Jimmy) were established in first season, as were the terms for the case, either condense the Sandpiper stuff into a montage or spend no more than an episode or two on it, to leave room for advancing the plot forward

  -New case/lawsuit comes up involving a prescription medication retail chain and an accounting firm that retailer works with.  Let's say the prescription med company has a network in the Alb. area where the chief people are making behind-the-scene deals to unlicensed third-party distributors who are selling prescriptions to criminals, one of whom could be the organization Nacho and Tuco work for (this also assumes said organization is part of the cartel Gus was against in BB, meaning something has to happen to cause a split of Nacho from this group if he ends up working for Gus).  That isn't a known quantity b/c it's only being done by few people in the pharmacy network of the relative Alb. area, not by the retail company at large.  However the prescription company has a falling out with the accounting firm they work with for reasons related to financial disputes and faulty record keeping (w/e), and they hire the Sante Fe firm.  HHM could also get involved b/c the prescription company has chains in that area that are obviously affected and maybe the SF firm would rather outsource contacts and handling in that instance, at least for the early parts.

  -Jimmy moves up in the SF firm proving his worth which also gets more attention from the SF female lawyer mentioned earlier.  Case begins to grow.

  -Accounting firm wants to hire HHM as their defense, which puts an awkward strain between HHM and the Sante Fe firm.  Initially hires the firm that defended Sandpiper in prev. case.

  -Jimmy still keeps in contact with Kim (but the other lawyer lady gives her uneasy feelings), Howard (with interesting role reversals as Sante Fe asserts more control over the new case, and now it's Howard who's being made less relevant by Jimmy) etc., and begins re-establishing a relationship w/ Chuck as it appears Jimmy is supersceding Chuck while at the new firm (something Jimmy begins to rub in Chuck's face every now and then, but never aggressively).  Chuck having a change on some opinions regarding Jimmy but becoming more bitter and envious as the season carries on. 

  -Interesting developments with the pharmaceutical company starts to reveal some of their people possibly dealing drugs to black market resellers who then sell them to criminals for profit, which starts to create discrepancies w/ the Sante Fe firm's take on the case.  Around this time HHM departs w/ the SF firm and gradually takes up the accounting firm's offer to defend them on the case, working w/ the other firm employed there

  -Pharmaceutical company employees who are suspected are gradually found out little-by-little not only by higher-ups in the company that weren't involved (to the dismay of the Sante Fe firm), but also via cross-reference record checks conducted by the accounting firm and, eventually, a couple of police interviews

  -Introduction of some police looking into the manner gets them to some of the black market resellers, which starts to get them a bit too close to some of the criminals.

  -Pharmaceutical company is also currently looking into business relations with a foreign company based in Germany (the one featured in Breaking Bad); said company wants to acquire the brand.  This could also tie into Gus since he worked with the company; maybe they refer him/give him a heads up into the pharmaceutical company as a base for potential materials?

  -Criminal organization employing Nacho and Tuco starting to feel pressured; they don't want to be found out so they begin tracing dealers back to employees of the pharmaceutical company and basically threaten them to either shut up or leave the company gracefully, all via anonymous contacts.  Some of the black market sellers try using this as a means to jack up prices, and Tuco kills some of them. 

  -Nacho goes to Jimmy privately at shady locations (also visits him at the firm in a disguise as a package delivery assistant), tells him he *can't* lose the case or else a lot of people are going to lose a lot of shit, some even their lives.  Nacho wants Jimmy to use his ties at HHM to try and convince some of them (Howard, Kim, Chuck) to either be thrown off on their side or reasoned into not pursuing the case.  Jimmy tries in his own way but nothing happens; moreso than that Chuck is dead-set on beating Jimmy on this case, and takes advantage of Howard to pull him in to do the same.

  -Nacho gets an underling of his own crew to act as an "intimidator" to the HHM lawyers (particularly Howard, Kim, and Chuck), but they aren't that good.  Jimmy has to get Mike to partner with the guy and make absolutely sure that none of them are hurt.  Left with no other choice Jimmy explains a good deal of what's going to to the new potential love interest

  -Sante Fe firm defense is starting to fall apart and Jimmy is losing good favor from the partners; police probes are picking up, mostly due to the murders of black market resellers by a short-sighted Tuco.  Nacho and Tuco are starting to have a falling out, which starts to put Nacho under the eye of the cartel.  Cartel wants to split with the pharmaceutical company, they start to plan out a hit against Nacho.

  -HHM/other law firm start cooperating with local police more on providing records of pharm. employees who might have been doing the backhanded deals.  The lawsuit in general is now moving from out of the hands of the private companies and into the hands of gov't officials.

  -Due both to stress and some fear Jimmy takes a vacation to Chicago over the weekend to see Marco, but Marco's already passed away.

  -Lawsuit is more or less suspended out of jurisdiction of HHM/other law firm, and Sante Fe firm.  Sante Fe law firm love interest wants to make a career transition but is drawn to crime thanks to seeing aspects of "Slippin' Jimmy" and being told of some facts regarding Nacho and the cartel by Jimmy.  Jimmy decides that due to accumulated risks and the failure of the lawsuit he should leave, but at the same time the firm was ready to part ways with him too. 

  -Altho the case didn't go to court, Chuck feels like he beat Jimmy and can see him slipping back into his old ways.  Howard doesn't like Chuck all too much but is disappointed in seeing Jimmy call it quits after only one failed case.  Kim has began a sort of fling with Howard but mostly to get at Jimmy and the SF woman, secretly wanting Jimmy to come to HHM since he already made a point to Chuck.

  -Regardless, Jimmy decides he's going to do his own thing (this is where the Saul transformation would occur); the SF law firm woman decides to join him on his new independent lawyer firm opportunity.

  -The cartel tries making a move on Nacho.  By this point Nacho and Mike have began to form some bit of a professional working relationship, the other guy is still a bit of a dolt but getting there.  They can't handle the cartel's attack at all.  Thankfully for them the cartel authorized the attack to be done by Tuco, who decides to try to do it at an open desert location.  Nacho goes alone.  Tuco has some backup (the "talk back" goon and "big boy" goon, among two others) and they have a good deal of weapons on them.  Unbeknownst to any of them a Los Hermanos delivery van is coming down the road, and stops when about lined up with them.  Tuco and his guys already know what the deal is and are looking at the van in earnest while it turns off its engine and headlights and sits there.  Nacho, OTOH, doesn't have any idea.  Tuco and his guys decide it isn't worth it and pack up to leave.  Nacho takes a couple of steps to the van and it leaves him behind, so he's alone in the open desert at night.

   *The van was obviously sent in by Gus and had about four occupants with concealed weapons.  Gus was mentioned the pharmaceutical company by the Germans as a potential resources acquirement he could utilize if the deal went through (which seems even more likely and more cheaply due to the controversy, though they can only acquire the company in full if charges aren't pressed and they aren't dismantled or have monetary assets frozen, or found guilty).  He did some investigating and noticed it was dealing with the cartel he's in opposition with, but also came to saw that one of the members of the cartel was both wanting to keep ties w/ them even as the cartel wanted to pull out, and getting backhanded supplies for his own stealth distribution thing.  At this point Gus's operation is a threat but not to the level it is in Breaking Bad, so he is interested in acquiring talent like Nacho, who is extra valuable b/c he has info on the cartel as well ;).  Hench, the van being sent as a message to either have a shootout with them if they went through to kill Nacho, or leave in peace if they spare Nacho's life.  Gus isn't quite ready to say if Nacho should join him, though, but that's something that could be looked into in the 3rd season.
  • Listening to: UK Garage, DnB, Street Fighter III soundtrack
  • Reading: Immortel, The Invisibles
  • Watching: Perfect Blue, Breaking Bad, Votoms, Ergo Proxy
  • Playing: Nothin'
  • Eating: food (within limits)
  • Drinking: water, juice, but mostly water
I'll be moving between this week and next week so I can't upload anything until everything's settled down and back up.  Been working a fuck ton on the oft-reworked webcomic project (lots of rewrites and, now, lot of concept illustrating), making a transition to another gig for lining the pockets with cash.  Stressful, emotional, but oh so energizing. 
  I'm feeling in somewhat better spirits now.  For the past few weeks I have just been seriously thinking about where I am in my life and where I would like to go.  I've also been uncertain about my artistic pursuits and just feeling angsty about lots of things in this world on the whole.

  Ideally I'd like to communicate that with art and stories and will myself to make it so.  Reading some concepts of existentialism and the such is helping both creatively and spiritually however.

 Things only get better if you stop sulking about it and kick yourself in the ass with some adrenaline.  Will be back soon :)

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John
Artist | Professional | Varied
United States
I'm John Mason, now going by the handle of 'F^nGZ' ('least for now; dA won't let me change my account name). My interests include games, anime, manga, drawing (obviously), painting, writing (yep), exercising (left field), watching obscure movies, cyberpunk, cosmology, mythology, nature,...you probably get the idea.

As I try to live life and situate a solid career, you'll be seeing some artwork uploaded here, some journals posted, and plugs for other random stuff that's relevant. So, hope you enjoy what's on offer, and your curiosity energized.



Twitter: twitter.com/JunMunMun

Facebook: www.facebook.com/JhnMisc?ref=t…

Current Residence: United States
Favourite genre of music: deep house/drum n bass/funk-house and most electronic music, old school hip-hop, some rock, and jazz
Favourite style of art: Pretty much w/e looks good, really, tho I have a soft spot for experimental art styles.
Operating System: Windows 7 64-bit
Favourite cartoon character: Doesn't particularly matter, just any good designed character :)
Personal Quote: More culture, less product
Interests

Critiques

  The past month...no, the past few months really, have been pretty pivotal for me in terms of thinking about where I want to be long-term.  Over the course of such, I've had to deal with major renovations at old living quarters, disputes with the landlord, annoying next-door neighbors throwing night-round parties proving awkward for throwing away trash and furniture, unrealistic moving schedules, eye-opening realities of groups regarding perceptions of various problems in the world, family turmoil and trust issues, exploration and confrontation of sexuality, short-term health scares and pop-ups, tug-and-war of artistic sensibilities, financial emergencies, self-esteem issues and an overall tempered outlook on life as priorities take massive shifts.  Perhaps I should have heeded horoscopes more often.

  The point of this journal is just a communications platform given I'm not posting on Facebook at present or...anywhere else, really.  But things are starting to look more optimistic for me and my family, and I'm ready to start sharing.  That being said, I had to re-evaluate a lot of things including perhaps placing too much stock into online relationships (plutonic ones; I can't stand the thought of dealing with the hassles of online dating.  Besides, I'm not in the mood to date anyway) and alter a lot of my values and morales, and become more honest with my true desires and pleasures.  Essentially, I need to be more of myself as I truly am, and not conforming to ideals or labels others feel some ill-constructed reason to project upon me.

  Art has not worked out the way I thought it would.  One of the biggest reasons I kept at it was in the hope of finding relevant work where I stayed.  Relocation out to, say, the West Coast or Florida, is out of the question.  The money just isn't there, nor are the support systems (no family down that way, don't know many friends around those areas as well).  Same regarding a move up to New York.  Because of that I figured I could try online illustration work but my turnaround for completion was either too slow or by the time things were done I didn't feel the piece was good enough.  Over time it just felt more like I was fighting to finish the work, never a good sign.  Perhaps it was a case of subject matter, or maybe a case of materials, and feeling torn between traditional and digital, but at this point I think I'm confident in saying art, at least to the scale I had placed it before, is not going to be my major thing going forward.  When the money is there, I'd love to buy some oils, professional watercolors and canvases, and embark on architectural and environmental studies, paintings creating a sense of mood.  I think of the background illustrations from anime like Serial Experiments Lain, or Boogiepop Phantom, and then marrying that with all these rabid exotic creature and character ideas in my head, a good bulk of which I'll continue to do and upload in my spare time now since the relocation of furniture to the new spot is almost complete.  That said,...yeah....for the moment I'm not so sure art is my main muse anymore.

   Actually, I feel as though music has began to take its place.  For a while now the two have always been kind of close to each other, but I figured I'd always keep music as a hobby and art as something I could pursue professionally.  I started getting seriously inspired into music production, particular electronic music production, after watching a few documentaries of artist like LTJ Bukem and Goldie back a couple of years ago.  Yeah I had dabbled with it before then, but this was when it got serious.  I began looking for the right software (on a budget), hardware (also on a budget), and getting the information I could, but needless to say the first round of stuff was terrible.  TERRIBLE. 

   Yet I've kept at it, and now I feel I've gotten to a point where my music production techniques, in just little over two years, have surpassed my technical art skills.  Or perhaps I should say, my music production skills have managed to coalesce in a fashion regards matching my original visions that my art skills simply have not.  That would change with the right gear, but it is what it is.  Just over the past week or so, in the span of only a week, I got pre-masters and rough compositions done for three tracks.  Three.  And these aren't just simple beep-boop NES tunes (no knock on that, of course); I'm talking inspirations like Ed Rush and Optical, Decoder, Teebee, Goldie, Marcus Intalex, Photek, Bad Company, Dom and Roland....if you don't know who they are or what they do, go Youtube that shit, and see the mastery in the range of complete sonic frequency space they exhibit in everything they touch.  THAT is my music inspiration (in large part, yeah), and THAT is what I aim to produce.  And in one week I had three tracks I'd personally say roughly in that ballpark; lacking a good deal of the mastering and composition polish of course, but everything else is there.  The EQs are right, the filtering is right.  The presence is there.  If I can work around some of my program's quirks I'll try mixing down rough cuts of what I've got for those who don't believe me (though in all honesty I'm not making anything to try to "prove" something to others so much as challenge and exceed my own limits).  The fact remains; it's been YEARS since I had that same level of productivity with my art, and I think I understand the reason why.

   So at least in terms of creative endeavors, that is my agenda for now and the foreseeable future.  I'm putting my music first and art/stories a nice bit behind that, rather than the other way around, but when financial issues no longer prevent me from getting the gear I'd like/need to get (and tbf, a nice collection of paints, canvases and boards can run up to a few hundred dollars, audio equipment even more, especially given I want to do analog hardware for music production.  Nothing beats analog hardware.  Fucking *nothing*), they can both come into a sort of balance.  No matter what the two will continue to fuel and inspire each other, that'll never change.

   Had to get that off my chest; I don't know exactly when I'll upload again.  All creative endeavors right now are sort of getting reduced time as I shift priorities to more "normal" routes of employment and financial stability, but I'm pretty good at multitasking and, more importantly, aren't feeling as absolutely shit and depressed as I have been since the start of the mess.  Next journal, I want to talk about my sexuality.  It isn't typical, and I'll probably lose some people as a result, but I'm going to take full ownership and pride of who I am as one's sexuality is not something they should be ashamed of or fear be the source of attack from others.  It's a new day and I'm ready to discern how and why my sexuality is the way it is, and do so proudly.
  • Listening to: UK Garage, DnB, jazz and funk
  • Reading: Immortel, The Invisibles
  • Watching: Kino's Journey, Ergo Proxy, films
  • Playing: Game Dev Tycoon demo
  • Eating: food (within limits)
  • Drinking: water, juice, but mostly water

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:iconbfetish:
Bfetish Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday!!!!
Reply
:iconfngrscr8dstroui:
fngrscr8dstroui Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Professional General Artist
Aye!  Thanks Mont, much appreciated :)
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:icondjdonttouchthetrim:
DjDontTouchTheTrim Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015   General Artist
Half Genie by CaseterMK Happy Birthday!Half Genie by CaseterMK
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:iconfngrscr8dstroui:
fngrscr8dstroui Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Professional General Artist
Oh la la x3!  This is nice.  Thank you kindly :0
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:iconshadowrx:
ShadowRx Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday :)
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